I'm back on the grid after a nice three-week break (without internet). The time away allowed me to formulate some short term and more longer term goals.
In the immediate future, I need to get reconnected with the webspace, updated on news happenings, and generally briefed on what I've missed. An hour breeze through my reader should satisfy this.
I also need to complete my Audacious business plan submission, which is due in three days. I have completed most of the work for this already; it will be a matter of compiling it and presenting it in an aesthetically pleasing and well-organized manner. I always find it to be a daunting task to resume an activity after a brief absence that I pursued with such vigour. I find myself procrastinating; with each delay I grow more fearful and more anxious of the task before me. I lose sight of the fact that these are activities that I enjoy.
I first experienced this odd emotional paradox when a trip away prevented me from playing my new guitar for a few weeks. Upon my return, I wanted to play my instrument- I wanted to pick the guitar right up and pick up from where I left - but I delayed for reasons I do not fully understand. Perhaps it was due to fear of having lost my new ability. I had recently started learning guitar and had made considerable progress. Maybe I was afraid that in picking up that guitar I would find that I had forgotten all that I had learned. Or perhaps my apprehensiveness was due to my now asynchronous practising schedule. While I am not someone who is overly meticulous, I do enjoy schedules and order. In fact, I perform best when I'm in a structured environment. Maybe me being away and unable to partake in my regimented activity spun me into a state of dissonance. Instead of resuming the activity and acknowledging the reality of me not having practised in my absence, I found it easier to ignore my guitar playing altogether.
It took me a few days to come terms with the stupidity and twisted nature of this thinking process. While sometimes I still find it difficult to pick up my guitar when I haven't played in a while, it is much less difficult than it used to be. As soon as I play that first chord, everything seems to fall back into place. Muscle memory kicks in, my ears perk up, and I forget about ever having been away from my guitar.
While I haven't tested this theory, I suspect the same holds true for company building. Right now, I have put my company away for a few days. All I have to do is dust it off, pick it up, and make some music.
